Tag Archives: entheogen

How I learned to love the spider (preheat)

I don’t know how many people were there
in this boggy meadow somewhere in Florida
a festival by day
a carnival of oil pastel lights dipped in naptha at night

thubwomping teepee’s with spinning
thingamabobs in the center with handles
that I sat on like a tornado—
burning incense—wearing sunglasses—
(It was the full moon)

I wasn’t on molly
until later
didn’t want my head
rubbed by strangers—
I was being guided
through hyperspace at light speed
in my tent—the mountains of spice would melt
and we’d pass it down five or six times—

Meli would run off and I’d be all
holy shit oh my god
honeymooning
at my first real breakthrough (that wasn’t) but

Who has time for terminology
when you’re lead straight
to the terminal for the first time
by something that
never showed their face again

I was doing flybys of planets that looked artificial

The control panel audible like
six diamonds had come together 
and formed cubes twisting, a knot
in another dimension

A yantra

So what does any of this
have to do
with the spider
you may be wondering
as I exited the tent
indolebreathed and metawinged
into the meadow
lit up by the moon
                       minds
chain reaction
you can invision it wavelike
always twisting to and from
itself collapsing opalescent and alive
a mix of pastel and neon
synesthesia whispers to accept
like the untying of a lace
or your legs made of lightning

It was just the most majestic thing
to be and to be disintegrated
off on the outskirts of a meadow
listening to the musics mesh
on the winds without much difference
eyes shut, eyes closed

Except when… it ran up to my sandals faster
than my choked perception could calculate 

before I even knew what the bone white hand
on the ground that could rove faster
than I could—than anything that I knew could was—

I was flailing goosepimpled
acidwashed insane
down the grass meadow faster
than I ever had in my life—

I thought about the times I’d raced
Raul in fourth grade and won every time—he was so hopeful

I ran—my soul screaming—my body in flight
to the laser dome fishnet cushions
the giant oven on fire—my synthesizer—
the stuffed animals
sewn together that wouldn’t burn
they would liquify
in love—mystified by the terror
of your trickster curiosity


The shadow

Who knew all you had to do was
inhibit monoamine oxidase—

Take a spoon full of seeds
as the sun sets over the dunes—

Long before us it was already done
they fell through the ceiling—

You can go to the mosques today 
see the frozen crystal clouds they left

In their voices—in the wind—in the sand
it’s still there interwoven into forever—

A desert flower that won’t stop blooming 
no matter what you say, what you do—

On the lick of an oud you repeated
these charred verses into the black moon—

You died but you kept coming back
no matter how many books they burned—

You sat by the fire of the acacia tree—
by the light of it’s sap you found us

Looking back through time there it was
the beginning, the end, all in one

Single moment you sat in circles
disappearing—singing and purging—

What the rainforests were thinking—
the jaguar lay rolling on the leaves—

And the dogs of hunters lapped up
in the darkness to see through it—

The poison arrow dart sent shimmering
at the snap of a stick into the boar—

These songs that we can see we learned
from the memories of the rooted—

Go home—ask the incarnata
for an omen tonight—see what it says


The tabernanthe

Sometimes you can
  see that
big wave
bumping up
  in the distance
coming for you

It’s up to you
  how you want
to catch it—If
you have the courage
  to catch it
at all

How could I say no then—
  I hardly walked
six months
before those capsules
  of root bark
were placed into my hands

How could I care
  that those with weak hearts
had already crossed over
at the dosage
  I was to eat—

You go in knowing this
  and within an hour
  the old you is gone
forever

Flooded out

That bitter metallic
  purging—the gravity—
motion sickness spinning
into the spiral
of everything that’s
  ever happened
on this planet

The sheer vividness
  of the visions / You
could hone in on
anything here specifically
like there was an
  earthbound threshold
applied to it’s living database—

It was realer than real

There were the
  Bwiti’s masks
up close
in my face—
the detail
woven into the dyed red
white fibers
  of the hemp
and the wood—

Smearing like oil
  flashing a deep blue
  ripple from every
moveless movement—

The wounded
  soldiers fighting
in the sandbox
unable to see
the way out—the endless
  wars by proxy
internalized—

The unpeeling
  of my own
everything—the darkest
  sense of peaceful
contempt—

It was as if harmalas
  were only half the story
like there was a point
where they break down 
and this is the only
ethnobotanical
that establishes itself
  on the scaffolding of
where they leave off

Fully submerged like
  you’re underwater / in
a liquid dream
electric—lightning
bolts strike
the water of your
dancing eyes
an almost religious bliss
  one could never imagine
possible without

All the things you’ve done /
  should have done /
should do

Mbira
  of the spirit—how melodic
we can be

The glass pipe packed
  with dense purple flowers—
a traditional synergy
in modern times—
it would last all night
  one grapey / woody
relaxation at a time

But flicking the lighter
was like breaking a prism

I remember laying
  in front of the fan
motionless
dissociated
feeling no pain
and flying
  all around the room
of everywhere and nowhere

It breaks down
  into psychoactive
pieces
the metabolite circulates
  for up to three months
the first time

You see it’s tracers
  flash when the sun rises
  the sun sets—reminding you
of how you got here

You feel it coaxing you
  to be the person
  you should be
and are now

And I never once
did look back

Except in awe
  at the power
of saying yes
  and no
at the same time


Angel II

Those full moon nights
rising behind the hills
we’d hike up to Pogonip
just to see it
the whole meadow
to ourselves
and visible

in the moonlight
we’d accelerate
with micrograms
and a glass pipe
dedicated to
just this one thing
your pregnant wife said
she felt like
she was in an egg
after melting it down
into alien candy
vapor

It was as if
nothing could touch us
we must have been glowing
hysterical
they called this place
Heroin Hill
we navigated the tracks
by phosphene
past the headlamp bicycle ghoul
to the garden of eden

We passed right through
someones camp
a shadow
stomping a big staff
or his boots
on the earth
to warn us

Perhaps it was our
maniacal apologies
our incessent laughter
in the redwoods
that assured the man
we were just passing through

Like the river
passing through the place
in the forest
we called our home


Angel

I know, we
had work
the next morning,
but something
made us walk
to the beach
that night

A few miles north
up highway one
by the cave

You always pronounced
your Z’s
with a Puerto Rican S

You were always
Re a lie sing

How many little
cubensis we placed
into our hands
our mouths
how much
brown resin
from the trichocereus
we harvested
that would grow again
six where there
was once one

I remember when
you disappeared—
hide the mescaline
in the sand

Was it you
or the fire whispering
sentient knots—
an audible curse
to crack open the clouds

A line drawn
out of sky
staight through
the mist
above us
wildeyed
mesmerized

I was surprised
by how much
you had changed—
you thought you were
my savior!
I should have known

[No more words in this cocoon]

I was surprised
when we showed up
on time for work
the next day


The sound

   Vaporizing harmine
  & harmaline all
blue and green

  We’d speed up
 pitch tempo and time
every night

   The powdery taste
  of their cherryish
boiling points

      The agents
     isolated
    from esphand
   to ward
  the evil
 eye

Of our time

   Who knocks
  on the door
 that hasn’t burned
the acrid seed

  I could
 feel myself
unlatching

   There at the crux
  of my departure
 was the potato-gun-like
sound

  This was all
standard procedure

   The cylindrical THWONK
  of something launching—
 something exploding—
beyond loud—

  Letting go
 into a crescendo
of lifetimes

  Awakening
 to a roulette
of new beginnings

Again and again